Ordering seeds, picking up seeds locally, and planning has been a big part of this week. All the information, and all the options. Not the most easiest decisions. But it can be exciting, as well as a little nerve wracking. What will people like? What will work in the spaces I got? Can I handle "finicky" plants?
I have a lot of doubts and fears about myself. I often feel like maybe I have taken on a little too much. And that little voice that creeps in and says" What are you doing' your not a farmer!". But deep inside I know, that I can do this; and I can be really good at it. It is just those doubts that can come along and take away what little confidence I may have mustered. But before I venture on to another subject. I thought in as much as I am sharing some of my doubts, I might as well share my confidence, or should I say my passions.
While growing up I lived not in the country but in town. Now I didn't pick up this farmer dream by narrow mindidly thinking to myself; hey I want to be a farm girl. Well not quite, but sorta.....HA! Here's the real story, I have family in Indiana. And when I was young, I would go to my Aunts house over the summer. She would let me feed the horses, brush them and let me help out around the farm. Now, I had the chance to get real dirty. There was plenty of things I could cruddy myself up with. Like going over to Gram's and raking out the chicken coop. Swimming in the pond. dirt-biking and atv riding on acres of trails to the river and among other things camping in the middle of a cornfield in the back of a truck. Now, there were many other things I could share but I am merely just chipping at the tip of an iceberg. My reason for sharing is, at least the best source of info I got for the subject is, I always enjoyed somewhat hard labor. Not the kind were you feel like hiding in a corner in the fetal position. Not the kind where you wake up and *gasp* Oh no I have to go to work today! Now there may be some of you who feel like this everyday. Really I am not bashing you, I actually had a job like this and thought these things day after day! But back to my story, I really think I want to be doing this kind of work because although hard at times ( most ) I find sweating under the sun almost relaxing. I feel liberated from the stress of monotony tasks and feel like I am once again where I belong. Does that make sense??? Another words I believe God "Hardwired Me" so to speak, to do and handle what I handle. So instead of resisting the crazy idea. Why not embrace it? Actually I could think of a million reasons why one might think I need to explore other avenues, and one day who's to say; I might. But for right now I am going to keep doing what I am doing until I get the unction from God to do different. And overall, I am happy he has me here. At times I wonder, sheash... sure would be nice to have some kids by now. But in as much as I may want, what I want. And I may want to be at some other time in my life I truly believe, beyond a shadow of doubt that I am were I am and God is not going to give up one me. Because he is a father. And I will finally allow him to take on that title.
Phillipians 1 : 6
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.
